For Such A Time as This

I'm going to be very honest in this post. I can only hope everybody knows me well enough not to misunderstand my meaning....

I have an 87-year-old instructor that teaches my pattern-making class, and on the first day when we were all lined up to take body measurements, she said something I've thought of frequently ever since: that she was blessed with an unusually shaped body which meant that she had to learn how to sew because it was difficult to find clothes that fit, and that developing patterns from body measurements was one of the most useful skills we could learn because we make clothes for real people, not mannequins (which don’t accurately represent ANYBODY’S body shape).

That struck me.

In the classic musical The Fiddler on the Roof, Tevye sings the song “If I Were A Rich Man,” during which he dreams of what a different life he would lead if only he had a small fortune. I quote the final lines of his song:

Lord who made the lion and the lamb

You decreed I should be what I am

Would it spoil some vast eternal plan

If I were a wealthy man?

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, in his April 2003 General Conference address, referring to Tevye’s question, makes the following observation: "Yes, Tevye. It might."

Do we realize just how much the God of heaven and earth has given us already, how much He wants to make all of our dreams come true, and yet, how different we would be if we did get our every wish in the time and way that we wanted - and never had to know patience, humility, or want?

We are each given a specific, individually tailored set of circumstances designed to aid us on our life’s journey. Among the goodies in our little life package are things like the time, place, and family in which we live, strengths, and weaknesses. Some items in our package we can improve and amplify through use and exercise. We can develop new talents. We can learn to be better through experience.

But then there are some things in our package that pretty much can’t change: our DNA. Our physical structure. Weaknesses of the body. Disorders. Predispositions. Personality type. Intelligence. Life experiences.

These kinds of limitations may cause us to step back once in a while (or every day) and ask:

• Why can’t I look like her?
• Why does she always get the leading role?
• Why can’t I be shaped like that?
• Why can’t I get this right??
• Why can’t my hair ever turn out the way I saw it on Pinterest?!

Or maybe:

• Why did mom have to die?
• Why won’t he love me back?
• How long am I going to have to wait?
• Will I ever get to be happy?
• Is this what it’s going to be like….forever?

I have heard from many people that I am quite beautiful - from friends and complete strangers. I have been told more than once that someone thought I was the most beautiful woman they had ever seen (which makes me think they haven't seen any movies with Jane Seymour or Elizabeth Taylor and they seriously don't get out much). Anyway, you get the point.

Whatever anyone’s opinion on the subject, I still sit at home on Friday nights. I struggle with self esteem and confidence. I was a really late bloomer. I have ADD, dyslexia, generalized anxiety, and I'm very sensitive. I had a REALLY hard time in school and had friends that pulled straight As without lifting a finger. I was picked on in elementary school and junior high just like everybody else. I started out doing puppetry instead of theatre, because I didn’t want anybody to see my face. I didn’t really start on the stage myself until I was put into a theatre class by mistake. I still see myself as the overgrown, zitty-faced pubescent that hid behind big glasses and baggy clothes because I didn't want anybody to see what I really looked like.

Yep. That's me. And most everybody would look at that picture and say, "Wow, that really isn't that bad." But believe me, it was worse. That's just the best picture I could find. I look at old pictures of myself and hear cruel things that were said to me echoing in my ears. I feel the pain of having no friends, believing I was stupid and incapable, that I would never be pretty, that nobody would want to marry me, and that I would never be good at anything, let alone "good enough".

And yet, it was at age 11 that I first learned one of the most valuable lessons of my life:

One day as my little sister and I rode the bus home from school, my over-sized glasses decided they had seen enough sorrow and one of the lenses popped right out. My sister and I searched the seat frantically, but the lens had disappeared into oblivion. When the school bus reached our stop at the corner, we knew there was nothing more to do but to go home and tell mom what had happened. The thought of telling her I needed new glasses at a time when we could hardly afford a new winter coat was almost enough to make what little courage I had falter completely, but we ran like the wind from the bus stop, and within moments I was in the kitchen. I related the news, mom reacted about as I had expected, but then instructed me to go and pray for help. I went to my room, dropped to my knees and uttered the most fervent prayer I had ever uttered in my eleven years. I plead with my Heavenly Father that he would help me find that lens on the bus the next morning, tearfully explaining that we were in no financial position to buy new glasses, and with eyesight as poor as mine, I needed them desperately.

In the very moment I ended my prayer, I felt something hard fall into my lap. And then there in my hand was the lens - the lens I had lost on the school bus. It had fallen from the sky.

Many years have passed since that day on the bus. I have had to face challenges far less trivial than simply losing a glasses lens. But regardless of the passage of time or the challenges I’ve had since, I still think of that little miracle that changed my life. Because of that experience my attitude toward life was altered forever. I learned for myself that God hears and answers my prayers. He listens and He understands. He is more intimately acquainted with my needs and circumstances than I am myself - and He cares! Now when I’m in trouble, I know I can ask my Heavenly Father for a miracle because I know He can give me one.

So, if the very God who created worlds without number could provide a miracle for an acne-pocked, overgrown 11-year-old girl with big glasses, don't you think He could do that for you?

One of my other favorite parts in Fiddler On the Roof is the song "Sabbath Prayer." I love these words of Tevye and Golde on behalf of their daughters:

May you be like Ruth and like Esther

May you be deserving of praise….

We read in the Old Testament that Esther fulfilled her personal destiny when she, the queen, boldly went before the king to save the lives of her people. But she was not in the right place at the right time by accident. She was chosen and equipped with all of the tools she needed in order to accomplish this dangerous task - including courage, selflessness, outward beauty, and faith; everything that would place her in the right position at the right time to accomplish her mission.

But we may think, "Yeah, well. My personal destiny looks pretty laughable compared to that." But IS it any less important than Esther's? You too were blessed with special tools - YOUR mind, heart, body, personality, strengths, and weaknesses - in order to fulfill your mission while on the earth. YOU TOO were specifically chosen "for such a time as this." You were born into the time, place, and circumstances that you were because the Lord knows who you are meant to become and how.

I know that for most of us, if someone were to ask what we would see if we looked into the Mirror of Erised, we would burst into a flood of heartbroken tears. I know that life is NOT like a box of chocolates, because it's actually more like a box of cockroach clusters. But isn't it nice to know that everything we experience here - everything that right now feels too heavy to bear - is temporary? A MORTAL trial? That’s the whole point of this life - it’s temporary! And everything that is unfair in this life, every wish that we secretly make, and every tear we shed is perfectly understood by the Savior.

As Elder Timothy J. Dyches said, "If you feel unclean, unloved, unhappy, unworthy, unwhole, remember - all that is unfair about life can be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ."

Each of us has a little life package filled with wondrous and beautiful blessings, perfectly unique to us. Do we recognize each item for what it really is - a gift, an opportunity, and a tool? Or do we see only obstacles, dead end signs, and manholes? Do we wake up every morning with the How to Train Your Dragon soundtrack playing in the background, eat Wheaties like a champ, look in the mirror and growl like a tiger? Or do we put on a death march, tell ourselves how much happier we'd be if we were shaped like Nicki Minaj, and then reach straight for the Dr. Pepper?

I know that EVERYONE wishes there was something they could change about themselves or their circumstances. Living through mortality ain't an easy task - especially when we feel we are failing at every turn. And that is the time to listen to a talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. I'd take a bullet for that man. Here's what he has to say on the subject:

I testify that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other. I know that if we will be faithful, there is a perfectly tailored robe of righteousness ready and waiting for everyone, “robes … made … white in the blood of the Lamb.”

My mumsy used to say to me, when I went through a period of self-loathing and felt I wasn’t as good as my friends, “If Heavenly Father had wanted another Jane, he’d have created another Jane. If He had wanted another Betty, he would have created another Betty. But He wanted a Melissa.”

Heavenly Father wanted YOU. You have flaws and problems and imperfections and you always will in this life. But these make you REAL, unique, and beautiful. And the things we experience in mortality are meant to teach, strengthen, and help us to fulfill our unique destinies, whatever they may be. Give yourself a break, 'cause you're not there yet, and remember that you are a child of God - and you are not alone.

Now get out there and be YOU.